When Peter asks Jesus how often he must forgive, he is asking a question that many of us carry in our hearts: How much more must I bear? Surely seven times would be enough. Yet Jesus answers, “not seven times but seventy-seven times,” inviting us to stop keeping count and allow God’s mercy to shape our own. In the parable, the servant receives forgiveness for a debt he could never repay, yet refuses compassion to someone who owes him far less. The master’s question reaches across the centuries to each of us: “Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?” We are called to love one another because Christ first loved us. Love flows from love received, and forgiveness is one of the most demanding expressions of that love. The mercy God pours into our lives is meant to flow through us to others.
Recently, this Gospel became painfully personal for me. After a falling out with a dear friend fourteen years ago, I had written many letters seeking reconciliation and apologizing for words I had spoken in the heat of hurt. Although I had been wounded, I knew that my own words were wrong, and I wanted to take responsibility for them while letting go of the hurt I had experienced. Finally, I traveled to Boston to make one last attempt at reconciliation. The encounter did not go as I had hoped. Finding that so much anger and resentment remained brought me to tears, and I returned home with my mind and heart in a fog. I could acknowledge my wrongdoing and sincerely ask for forgiveness, but I could not determine whether my apology would be accepted. That helplessness was deeply painful, and it reminded me that reconciliation requires an openness that one person alone cannot supply.
In the days that followed, I remembered the people I had struggled to forgive: classmates who mocked and belittled me, and an abusive partner of a family member who caused me tremendous emotional harm in my youth. Whatever forgiveness I had found began with the love I had received from Christ. He knew my failings and still loved me; he offered me mercy and taught me to offer it to others. Remembering that love did not erase the pain of my recent encounter, but it helped me meet that pain with sadness and compassion rather than anger. I cannot know everything my former friend carries, nor can I declare that their heart will never change. I can pray for their healing and ask God to keep my own heart open. To forgive from the heart is an ongoing work of grace: acknowledging the wound, surrendering the desire to make another person pay, and allowing the love Christ has given us to become the love we give.
